Days passed, months passed. The more I know, the more patience I gained. Let it be that way, I'm doing much better eventhough it hurts terribly. You can run, but you can't hide. The only thing that I know for now, I'll just remain silent and let the patience take control of me. And I'll pretend that nothing happens.

My friends would always say I prior boyfriends rather than them. In fact they're wrong, totally wrong. I may seem forever talking to boyfriend, meeting boyfriend. That doesn't mean boyfriend is my first priority. Whatever it is, I tried my best to give my two true friends the best for them in their lifes. In fact, a new friend found. Eventhough we're not close like me and my true girlfriends, he practically understands my situation right now. Does boyfriend knows what I'm feeling currently? Does boyfriend knows what's the reason behind it? I don't think so.

Thanks to the above one for giving me guidance and patience throughout my life. I might not doing what I supposed to do. I might not pray to God, I drink. I wear clothes which reveals some of my body parts that I shouldn't, and did anything that is sinful. He still loves me like noone could ever love me and give me all those guidance and patience to overcome any obstacles of life.

I may be born without a father and without a mother's love. But God gives me two lovely guardian who showered me love like my own parents. Not only them who showered me those love. Their children care for me too. Eventhough they no longer take care of me, they're still there for me. Thanks to God I have a wonderful brother eventhough we don't really talk much with each other. I know he cares for me and I know deep inside me, I love him. Thanks to God, I have my cousins, my Chayaya Inc. Eventhough we don't really meet, we still care for each other and take note of what's happening in each other's life. That is why family always comes first.






Get it on why family comes first, true friends second and boyfriend third?
















Ok. I need to smoke, smoke, smoke.

Nothing much for today. Just bored to death with nothing to do. Wanted to clean my bedroom but too tired to do so. Currently waiting for my sweetest little thing to get home. I'm just worried now for his safety.

Tk jadi mkn...Alek ter0z...Nie otw..I yg bwk...Wuhuuu...! REMP-IT bebeh...

That's what he messaged half an hour ago. How can I not worry after reading that message?
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.
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.
.
30 minutes later.

Ok. My sweetest little thing is back now.




I thought I could never update my blog. But thanks to Yunus for being my lifesaver by bringing his laptop to my house. And now it's in my room eventhough it's not mine. Though three people using this laptop, I still could update. =)




Spiderman 3 was really great, sad though for the ending. Thanks to my daring Ira for the treat as she said it's still early to go home. Ok my Cicak was jealous obviously. HAHA. Retardedly, Acuk followed us to Admiralty Place at late night. Yunus had to buy him McWings Meal for Acuk. But end up, his cousin pun eat the fries and chickens. HAHA. Thanks Yun. I love Yun like I love Yun. =)

Met J under my blk as he asked me to accompany him to Mcd. Proceed to 888 Plaza to meet Cicakman and Marq. Baron-drinking is what they are doing there. Played spitting-of-ice. And they retardedly put ice cubes into my cleavage. Pathetic. Marq vomitted at the whole stretch of the road. Both of them vomitted while I massaged their necks. the smell of my hunny's vomit really stinks that makes me want to vomit too.







I guess I'll be getting thinner and thinner day by day. And I mean it. Wondering why? Because Ibu has been cooking plain rice with fried chicken. That's all. Or she may even didn't cook. Heavenly great. I know.








Someone tagged me using my name. Pathetic. It's CICAK! I swear I'm gonna kill him, retard. And I swear I will strangle that girl if she ever calls him again. But who cares anyway. It's up to him if he wants that girl. I don't mind. It's his choice. =)





A girl called Cicak's handphone just now, I don't know who the fuck she is. Cicak claims that he doesn't know that number and don't want to answer and not even to call back. Usually he'll call back to ask. Pelik, strange. So I decided to call back that number using my handphone. No answer. And I received two anonymous caller, a dumb caller to be exact.

That person called me back while I was walking home from that retard's home. She asked where I get her number and all that shit. She was like, "Ouh, I don't know that number." How stupid can she be? If she dialled wrong number just now, she would have said and couldn't be calling umpteen times. And by saying she don't know that number, obviously she was checking her phonebook or what, instead of her call logs.

Anyway, she said someone messaged her saying that I'm schooling at BMC Admiralty and whatsoever shit. I don't even know the number that messaged her and how come that person know me? How strange life could be?




Now, I don't know where the fuck that retard is. He didn't answer my calls, not even reject it. Called his house but nobody answered. Where the fuck he is, I swear I don't know. Ouh wells, maybe meeting that girl just now. HAHA. If he's outside with his parents, he'll call me using his dad's handphone. But today, totally no replies from him. I'm sick and tired of today.





FUCK OFF BITCH!
KEEP YOUR HANDS OF MY BOY.
HAHA.





I need a good rest for now. And I mean a real good one, please. Sleepless night for yesterday, get ready for the Malacca trip as early as 6am. Couldn't get to dreamland throughout the whole journey.



My hunny baby is sure a retard. He left me a retarded voicemail. But nevertheless, I love him. The more retard he is, the more I love him. NO!

I love him like I love him. =) Ok, now that sounds better. Hehe.

Totally not me today. I was just not myself la. Only my dearest Cicak knows what telah the happen. Maybe I'll just give you a hint. I MISS SOMEONE TERRIBLY. I might be missing my Chayaya Inc, except for Yun as he's at my house now. But the one that I miss terribly just went away. =(

GOODBYE!

Anyway, Ibu said something insane yesterday night before sending my mum off to the airport. She asked Hamidah to stay at my place too. Don't get me wrong Ham. It's not that I don't want you to stay over at my place. I would be glad so, but how many people she wants to stay over at my place. Yun, Caca and herself is already too crowded for me. And still you want to add somemore? Unless if you stay at your own place and Yun stays here, I really don't mind. I'd prefer sleeping with my dearest Chayaya Ham.

Ibu: Acuk kan suka orang ramai-ramai.
Me: Kasi Acuk duduk kat rumah 8 Dwarfs la.
Ibu: Ala, Acuk tu bukannya favourite dorang.
Me: Step Acuk favourite kita je.


How pathetic can that be? Real pathetic.







Mathematics lesson was such a brag today, as I had a TERRIBLE headache. And still that retard has the guts to disturb me. City Hall is our next destination after school. Marq bought a lovely top from Flash N Splash. I just bought a Levi's top, a tshirt. Cost me 45 bucks. Burn my pocket money for this month and I left with 50 bucks only for the rest of this month. Actually I have another 100 bucks but have to pay my bills. Bah~


Someone seems to be horny the previous night after smoke up. HAHAHHA.

Happiness, my survival kit in life.


Not getting any better. My neck and my back still hurts, double the pain compared to yesterday. Despite all that, I did go to school, but late and then practical at Jurong. Anyway, Marq said that I looked skinnier. Maybe it's true. I've been having eating disorder lately and no appetite to eat. Mum has been feeding me with chocolates. Yesterday was Hershey's and today, Van Houten.


Heroine kape?




Mum will be going off soon. And I mean soon, this Thursday. Won't be updating much as mumsie bringing along the laptop with her. Ibu and Caca will be staying here while Mum works overseas. Ohh, it's such a brag. Need to change my door knob so they won't come into my room. And this is my room, my rules.

Anyway, Yunus suggested that why not Acuk go to Ang Mo Kio instead of them coming here. Good idea. But surely mum won't agree to it. You all know la your aunties attitude. Acuk being too pampered by his sisters that he became more retard. Bah~





p/s: pictures updated at, http://hadzah.fotopages.com



Only GOD knows how much I love him.



Just one word. SICK. Have been coughing the whole day, my throat sores and my nose blocked. What more can I ask? Just one thing. I need my wonderful boifey right now. Marq's down with fever, vomitted umpteen times. My hunny had headache just now too. It's just not our luck.

Met Fir at Tamp's Big Mac last night. Run out of idea on where to go. So went to Ira's void deck to slack. Wan joined us since he stays at the same blk as Ira. Fir called up his friend, Min to join. Makan at Mr Prata, but Wan couldn't join us. End up at Zul's void deck and meet Zul, Wan and Fahmi. Riding and slacked at Tamp area till early morning.

Went to school without having any rest. I didn't sleep at all but I did shower at Ira's place. Saw Ili Mahirah at the 168 busstop. In school, did nothing. Cam-whored and tries to sleep but to no avail. Reached home and slept till 8pm. Now my whole body is aching, especially my neck and my back.


click here for photos.







Ok, Mdm Nurse of the house just gave me a bag of HERSHEY'S.


Ohh, I love you so.


Town-ing with the girlfriends, Ira and Linda. I was laughing to myself the whole day. Had a girlish look for today, that is why I laughed my ass off. Saw Usop at Topshop and saw Man Biol near the MRT station. Coincidence always happens. Went to Esplanade as Ira wanted to meet Jepon. We were so god-damn potek that we didn't even notice that Jepon was siting right infront of us. Apai was nearby too with his metalhead friends. Didn't see Don but he saw us. Man Biol joined us later and we went our seperate ways after a few hours slacking there. Linda followed Man to meet his friend whereas Ira talked to Is. And for me, I went back to Orchard to meet the kambing retard. He was with his boys; Usop, Dino, Ori, Andy and one more I forgot his name la.

Hunny drank his pathetic e-33 while the rest drank beer. As for me, blueberry tea. My cough is getting worst. I could barely talk, totally rock. =)



The three lesbians. Or should I say bisexuals? =)


The boys infront of Taka.




I realised that we didn't camwhore much. Wait till I get that 1GB memory stick first. HAHA. Anyway, I've changed my blog song if you didn't notice. That song is to my one and only Mr Cicak. You're the retardest kambing ok. I love you like I love you.



See, how retard can he be.



Ira was fooled by me yesterday. She's so silly for believing what I said. I told her I was at MOS with Marq and Cak since we could go in through guest list and free flow drinks for us. She's some sort jealous, I can tell. Later at night I received a message from Linda, asking me to take care. They really believe it.

Actually I did go to MOS, passing-by only. HAHA. First, went to City Hall and walked to Bugis for pool. Train-ed to Somerset and lastly to Clark Quay. Supposed to catch a movie at Cineleisure but we're running late. Ate at Cafe Iguana, damn expensive la. First and the last ok Marq.


The beans just make me puke.


He really finish it up the food.


He only drink Tequila POP.


Plain water for us, please.


Tiredness on our faces while waiting for the train.






I guess people still don't know about my new number. Sheena just called my prepaid number saying that her friend saw me at MOS. HAHA.


Anonymous caller haunting me, anyway.


There's so many reasons why I love you.



Yesterday was ablast despite those tiredness. Reunion with my lesbian partners. I sooo love them to the maximum. Thanks for the bonds after all these 5 years. =)



The lesbians; Hadz, Ira and Linda.


By the meaning of lesbians.


The best shot.
Man Biol looks like Lan Tamp in this picture, really.





Enough said about yesterday.
Today, first ever practical lesson for me. Much better compared to Bukit Merah's. Pooling after that and headed to West Mall.



The hero in my heart pool-ing.


Hadz, Marq and Cak.






I really need that 1GB memory stick, I mean it. All pictures were taken using MY handphone. I need a bigger memory stick space for all those.


Another random post.


I just don't know what to say to you. It's been more than 24 hours I haven't heard your voice. I'm sorry if I hurt you in some other ways. Blame me on everything, I can take that. Just don't make me worried, please.

"Ride with whoever I want, go out with whoever I want."
What's the meaning behind it of all these? I thought you said you don't mind. Your jealousy level is soo high. It's like, you don't trust me or something. But, if you don't trust me, it's your problem. I know I'm true to myself and of course to you. I know I already have a wonderful boyfriend and why should I flirt with other guys.

It's up to you to decide. I understand you need space for yourself to cool down. But just don't make me worried ok. Please, please, please do call me.

I love you like I love you.
And will always do.


It's just a random post.


The truth hurts, not as much as he lied. Some things are meant to be kept as a secret for certain reasons which we might not know. The reason might be reasonable to you, but to think of it, maybe not. I know you're hurt, feels like you've been stabbed from the back. Frustration is all in you, revenge is what you want. You felt you've been cheated by him. Despite all that, I know you're strong and will keep clinging onto what you're holding on now. I know you'll let out everything when the time is right. It's just sooner or later. When that time comes, he'll be in deep shit. Trust me.

My advise to you, stay strong no matter how terrible the situation is. I know you can overcome this. Just remember, I'll be behind you and supports you. And I love you like I love you k.





May you have the upmost days in your life and happy chayaya-ing.
I love you like I love you. =)



Cam-whored with Marq, with my new handphone. Went to 888 Plaza, Marq bought ice-cream and ciggy. Walked back to Cak's place, looking at his window. Next stop was Woodland Mart Mac to eat. Then off to fucking place and cam-whored.

Thanks to mum for the new handphone. K800i that is. I bought with new line. But the sad thing is, I have to pay the bill myself. Ok that's it. I need to fold the clothes, wash my bras and hang the clothes.

p/s: if you guys don't have my new number, IM me on MSN or SMS me at my old number. Thanks.

Happy times, sad times. Those days will be cherished for the rest of my life. Without noticing, it's been a month since we're together. I felt that it is more than a month as we're close to eath other, and I mean damn close since last August. We said what couples said to each other and we did what couples did to each other. I admit I have feelings for you since last few months but at that point of time, I wasn't ready.

But on the other hand, I felt like I've known you yesterday. Time flies real fast. Never ask me again whether I'm happy being with you or not. You'll know my answer.But this I have to say, I'm NOT happy being with you. I'm overjoyed having you by my side. =)


- you stole my heart away and carved your name on it.