I simply adore you,
And always do.
I simply love you,
And that's true.


I just woke up in this late afternoon. Damn sleepy man. Suppose to wake Ira up after waking Cicak up, but too sleepy to do that. So went back to sleep. Hehe. I have some peace now at home as Auntie Cha went to Johor yesterday. Alya went home already, bored at home la no friend to talk to.

I showed Mama a message someone sent me through Friendster.

wow...you got quite a smile and great looks. what mix are you?

Mama asked me to reply that I'm mix and that's why I look exotic. Haha. Me EXOTIC? Hell No! I just want to be simple. I wear what I want to wear, as long as it's comfortable for me. I hate trends. I don't follow those fucking trends. And and and I just got to know I've some chinese blood. OMG! She says that my mum has a mixture of chinese, banjar and bugis. And I'm a decendant of a royal family, my paternal side. Ok, so that explains why I have this fucking chinese look.

And and and I got to know that I have a so called maid. Only came to clean the house. Alya told me as I was wondering who is this lady in the kitchen and have a key to my house. So starting from now onwards, I'm not cleaning the house again. Mum pays her, not me. Haha. So don't want to! Bluek!

Have to shower and get ready to meet Ira.



Do you feel the same way too?
The question repeats in my mind.
I'm baffled and curious
Can't you see that I love you?
I'm falling for you, only you.
Other guys, I turned them down
You're the one that I want.
I've tried to express my love for you
But it doesn't seems to work.
I know it's hard for you to believe
It's hard for me too, though.


Went to the 8 dwarfs house just now. Yeah, those cute guys, Hafiz especially. I'd rather be close to my maternal side than to my paternal side. I've not went to any of my paternal side except for my uncle at Bedok, which is my legal guardian since I was two. My paternal side are all so over-aged. Some of my paternal cousins' sons and daughters are older than me. Yes, OLDER. Some of my cousins even older than my mum. Unlike my maternal cousins. Kak Zila and family came over to my house before we left for the dwarfs' house. My second most handsome cousin came too, with his girlfriend. Last year they came too.

Earlier on, went shopping. Shopping at the market. Shieks! Auntie Cha and Mama asked me and Alya to buy some groceries so they could cook for today and tomorrow. First went to Prime Supermarket infront of my house then to the wet market behind Prime. Couldn't find minced meat so went to NTUC at 888 Plaza. Bought all stuffs then to KFC as our stomach is grumbling. Chayaya!

Yesterday went to Bedok to pinjam my cousin's N-Gage and meet Ira and Halifi. Slacked for awhile and off to meet my hunny-kibawa at City Hall as going home with him. Ira slept my house. Waited at his void deck for him to change. Off to Woodlands Mart to have our late-night snack at Mcd. He's Nokia handphone spoiled. Padan muke u! Next time don't tease me when my handphone is spoiled. Next turn will be Ira's. But if her's didn't spoil, it's ok. Because she can't make any outgoings, call or message. Hahaha.

Mama, my aunt, look at Cicak's stack of just-printed photos. She says that all look like Boyanese, but one only handsome. So I asked which one. She pointed Cicak-ku-sayang. Haha.

He's cute la Ma, not handsome. Jangan kembang eh hunny-kibawa. Haha.

Met him under his void deck upon reaching home to give back his photos and took my ciggy. Went to Mcd infront of my house since Alya and my twin pervert aunts are there. Went to Cheers as Alya wants to buy her Ice Milo and I bought my fruit wine. This time I bought orange flavour instead of apple. It taste like F&N orange, seriously. So slacked with Alya at my void deck for awhile.

Alya playing with Sims at my handphone right now. And and and Alya has a new name now. No longer Nur Alya Sheikha. It's Nur Alya Dugong. Haha. Cicak calls her Momok. Now, she calls him Cicak Mangkuk. I don't know why.




Hari raya was boring this year. Yeah, just like Ham says, can't get to meet the CHAYAYA gang. Except for the Ham family, the 4 Nuruls, Godzila's family, Big Nose family and Alya. Chayaya la.

Yesterday, went to Suntec with Alya and Nurul and met Ira there. Teman that hunny-kibawa to makan his dinner and just window shopping. Bought a tank top at Mango. Haha. BLUEK! My Sampoerna International finish! Aaarrgghhh!!!!!!


You stabbed me from the back
Never imagine you would do that
The scars will remain and
So do the incident of last night


Selamat Hari Raya to every Muslims.

Another raya without a dad. It's always the same every year. Bleargh! Alya came the day before raya. At night, went to Ang Mo Kio to fetch my dear cousin, Yunus/U-nose. Then off to Pasir Ris to sent back my adek sdare home and off to Geylang as my pathetic Auntie Cha asked to buy a list of things there. So reached Geylang around 1+am I guess and shop, shop, shop. Reached home at 5+am. Bought McDonald's Big Breakfast. Slept at 8+am and woke up by Nurul and Siti at 11am. Went to my uncle's place at Bedok, hoping Abg Romi to be there so I could get his N-Gage hp. My hp spoiled, so I need hp. Currently using a dumb-ass hp. Shieks! But he's not there. Went back home and Abg Mamal came over. After Magrib, went to Bukit Gombak by train instead of car. And back to home sweet home. Raya this year sucks. Like we don't know where to go. Futhermore no grandparents to visit.

Met hunny-ku-sayang as Cocot wants to buy ciggy and just slacked for awhile. And bla bla bla. Can't sleep for now. And I'm hungry. Hunny's working tomorrow and I have to wake him up at 8.30am. I have to wake him up everytime he work, anyway. Bleargh! Just loving him la.


About last night
I scream and whimper
It really hurts much
The silence makes me weak
I'm deeply in pain
And yet you ignored


Can't sleep for now. Just watched 'The Amityville Horror', alone. Yes, ALONE. Ira was asleep back then. Abang in his room, asleep by now. And here I am, blogging. I don't know what's wrong with my iTunes. Can't continue playing my songs. Got stuck with this song, Telescope Eyes by Eisley. It so god-damn nice, with those lyrics and stuffs. Yeah, I've mopped my whole house. Went to meet Apek at 888 Plaza to buke with him. Slacked for awhile as Cicak says he too going to Woodlands to meet his friend. So Apek bought his usual stuff there, Guiness Stout. Waited till 9+ and called Cicak as he still haven't reach. He asked us to proceed first as I'm going to exchange the wrong curtain I bought yesterday. Meet up with hunny-kibawa there, at Metro. Slacked at this place which hunny called 'titanic', waiting for his friend. Hunny treat us drink. =) Hunny-ku-Cicak and I bought Jim Beam Cola while Ira bought her favourite Breezer Lime. Walked all the way home from Causeway Point. Not as tiring as walking from Yishun to my house. It took me and Ira an hour to do so. Haha.

Talked to my sweetie Firdaus just now. Finally, I get to hear my bedtime ghost stories.

Thanks Fi for the stories. Hehe.

Tomorrow's plan. Hmmm. Let me think. Going for the kenduri at Shah's house, but I still haven't get the message from that idiot ex of mine. He said he's going to message me what time the kenduri starts. See, he still has this kind of attitude. Say only, but didn't do. Fuck la! Maybe going Geylang before that to look for Abang's baju kurung. He's so god-damn lazy to buy it himself. Maybe I'll ask mum to buy it as Monday she's going there, by car if Alya reach early. Torture Alya more. Haha. Biar cepat kurus. My baju kurung da siap. Yey! Yet to see as it's still with my aunt. Tomorrow going to take it.

Well, I guess I have to force myself to go to my dream-land now.


I want you to be mine.
Forever, I'll make it last.
Your heart, I have to win.
Myself, I need to trust.


Mum was working night shift these pass two days. Last two days was alone at home. Luckily yesterday Ira and abang at home. Hehe. At night met hunny-kibawa and slack around his blk. Cam-whoring with his handphone. He saw Ira's wallpaper. Haha.

Just finish vacuuming the whole house. Suppose to mop too. But lazy to do so. The two of us still haven't shower. Hehe. Thinking of going to the gig at Gashaust. It's free. But lazy la and moreover I still have lots of household chores to do. Have to change the curtains and stuffs. So no plans for now. Maybe going to buke with my bear-bear if there's no food at his house. Hunny-kibawa work half-day today.

Raya is just three more days. Can't wait for that. But this year raya and the following, no grandparents to celebrate with. =( Thinking of going to my uncle house at Bedok as all my paternal side will be going there. Alya will be coming on the day before raya. She says she'll be bringing her car. Weeee.

I really do love him. Bleargh!


I might not show it,
But I really do love you.
Hoping you to sense it,
Is a dream to come true.


Talking to my bear-bear and hunny on the phone, conferencing. Apek told me that his friends were asking who's his bear-bear. And that is me, obviously. They thought he and me matair. What on earth? Haha. Just because that they read his testimonials that I gave him. Haha. Went to school just now with a sleepy face. Met Naddy and her friends at Bedok Reservoir. So took train with my dearie dearie hunny-kibawa. Then off to school for Maths. Slacked at Big Mac for awhile as Naddy meeting her friend there. Then off to Parkway to meet Ira, my darling. Saw Acap, Beng, Ariff and gf, and Nicholas. I lied to them that I'm pregnant. Haha. Acap almost fall for it. But my darling tak leh ajak rompak ah! Ariff was happy coz he say he can be my so-called baby's godfather. Haha.

Tomorrow having my practical exam at Si Ling Sec. I got the Shift 2. So pagi have to wake up and reach there. Have to report at 9am sia! Hoping that this thing would end fast. And and and I need to study starting, erm, after raya. Hehe.

Nurul, study with me. You clever girl!


Promise that you'll never leave,
I don't want that to happen.
The day will be seized,
If that ever to happen.


Finally, I've the time and mood to change my layout and song. I know my layout sucks. Haha. At least I do it everything on my own. And yes I know the song is slow. But I love this song ok. Comment please.

Talking to my dearie dearie hunny kibawa. He just finish watching the Star Wars Attack Of The Clones. I just passed it to him. Ira came for awhile just now then off to Cicak's blk to meet him. And and and Shah's mum just passed away just now. Thought of visiting tomorrow morning. But HE says that Shah don't want any of his friends to come. So I'll come on the kenduri day itself, this Sunday.

Need to baring now, my back hurts.


Never had someone like you.
Trust noone except you.
Everything happened you knew.
And I think I love you.


Well, just finish my scumptious meal. My favourite aunt is here, Auntie Cha. I thought she bought lots and lots of clothes for me and Alya. But I was wrong. This time, she bought some bikinis for us. What on earth she bought for us that, I don't know. Got some tops, sleeveless. I'm loving it. Haha. And and and I got a perfume from her too. Smells nice, floral.

Cousins, Auntie Cha is here. Beware of her yak-yak-yak. Especially to the 8 dwarfs, be careful if she stays over at your house again! Hahahaha.

Went to Bugis to meet Ira, Aisah and Ella, buke together. Ate at Banquet. Went to Bugis Village as the two girls want to shopping for tops. Off to City Hall after that. Cam-whoring with Ella's digicam. Will post it as soon as I get the pictures from Ella. It was so fun just now. Cam-whore too mush I guess.

I've seen lots of changes in her. Real lots of it. She used to be mislead, I hate her old attitude. She used to bitch around and stuffs. But not now. I guess that guy whom she's been waiting for almost a month really made her change. I can see that clearly. It's not normal for her to wait for a guy. She, herself, don't know why she's waiting for that guy. Maybe it's love, I don't know. Well, I love her. Hope that guy would have the same feelings for her. I don't know la.

I'm soo in love with him. But he won't believe it if I were to tell him that. I know, I've tried.

Well, got to go and have my smoke-break. Hehe.


You're special to me,
And it will always be.
You'll always stand by me,
No matter how hard it could be.


Was lepak-ing with my cousin, Caca, around my hunny-kibawa's blk. Then went to my park around my blk. And and and an old friend of mine came and tegur us. I still do remember him, Redho is his name. Haha. Then slack for awhile with him. My hunny-kibawa was drinking at don't know where with bear-bear and friends. Talked to hunny-kibawa when he reached home. Can't really sleep actually last night. And and and his papa messaged me in the morning, sahur time. I was in shock that his papa messaged me.

"Girl study hard 4 your o level ok all the best..usha dan doa maka datang kejayaan..dont worry of other things except your health and exam..frm papa n mama."

I miss them much. I really do. They treat me like as if I'm one of their family. I miss his sisters too. Maybe Raya then can get to meet them.

Going to have my shower. Off to lepak for awhile, then to Ira's house. Then off to the pit at Pasir Ris. Weeeee...


Now that I'm free,
Out of the cage of love.
Please forget about me,
You're getting on my nerves.


It used to be my internet connection that gives me problems. Now, it's the laptop. Past two days, I can't even switch it on. Luckily I could now, and updating. Hadz now good girl. She study, only maths. Hehe. I swear I forgot every single thing that has been taught. Talking to my dearie dearie Cicak Hunny sweets now. He's playing his PS2 while I'm updating, listening to music. And and and my face is so itchy due to eating that stupid prawns again. Haha. I swear this is the worst ever. The gatal-ness reached to my hands. Normally it's only on my face and neck. Haiyo. Went to Causeway Point just now to have my makan with Ira then thinking of going to Esplanade but Cicak asked to accompany him buke. Played X-box game at his Courts the whole evening. Then around 9 when to Giordano as Ira wants to look for work. Hope she gets it. When home with my dearie dearie Cicak. Sit for awhile, cam-whoring with his handphone. Hehe.

Tomorrow meeting Ira. Wee. She's working at Orchard, for the meantime. Saturday got pit at Pasir Ris. Woohoo.

I'm totally in love with him. Can't tell you who. Haha. Those who know, especially Alya, just shut up. Don't tell anyone if you do.
I am so so so deeply in love okai!!


A bad love life I had,
It's all in the blood.
You treat me bad,
It gives me fright.


Yes, I've dyed my hair RED. Finally, after a long wait of four years. I dyed lots of time this year. Red is the colour, that's it. But those colour just fade away. Because I went to that stupid Wild Wild Wet, too much chlorine. Chlorine is a bleaching agent, you see. And Ira dyed too. Highlight to be exact. And it is so-so nice, ORANGE. I chose the colour, that's why it's nice. Hehe. Actually she wanted it to be Intense Ash Blonde. But can't. Haha. And she kept on asking me to choose the colour for her. Expert la katekan. Haha. That was the surprise for them. But Apek is yet to see. Sooner or later.

Went to Cicak's crib yesterday before buka. Buka at his house, Nasi Ayam. Then just lepak at my void deck. And and and I'm having my menses. So don't have to puasa! Weeee. No plans for today. So I guess we'll be sitting at home for one whole god-damn day. Cicak went over to his granny house. He has his off-day today.

Got my piece of shitty bill of mine. Yes, mum lied to me. My bill is $250+. Idiot her, made me worry. She said that if my bill were to be more than $100 this month, she's not going to pay for it. So have to control my outgoing calls. My messages now hits to 800 now, just for 2 weeks. Haha. Nevermind. And my outgoing calls is 5 hours plus. Heck! Control it, you damn pathetic Hadzah. Haha.

He dreamt about me again. Hehe. But this time, it sure will tickle you guys. Two children, him and me. You get what I mean? Haha. But I want three, two girls and a boy please. I really do want that. Why only two? One more in the stomach is it? Haha. Dream of me again ok Hunny. Hehe. That gives a clue who dreamt about me. Continuation of the previous dream, I guess.

So, off to makan.


I've had enough of crying,
Over guys who don't appreciate me.
Moving on I'm trying,
But it don't seems right to me.


I can't sleep. I'm still awake even though the time now is 0450. Something seems unright to me. I know I'm thinking of something at this moment. It disturbs me. I don't know what it is. Mum just woke up and she thought that I just got home. Ate whatever is in the kitchen that I could. And my stomach's bloating. My stomach is getting bigger than ever. Too much of eating and sleeping, I guess. Haha. Shouldn't show that idiotic stomach of mine to Cicak. Hehe. He'll find out after reading this anyway. Stupid me. Send some pictures to my email. I know my bill will melambong again and will get another scolding from mum. Last month's bill was $500 according to mum, but I've yet to receive the stupid piece of paper from mum. Made 1000 minutes of outgoing calls, whereas my plan only have 100 minutes of free outgoing calls. I edit the pictures to kill time as I can't shut my eyes and go to dream-land. Now, I'm so bored. Nothing else to do. Actually, not exactly nothing. I could clean up this god-damn-messy bedroom of mine. But too lazy to do that. Ira coming over later on after her interview. She had this modelling interview with Create Talents. I'll just have to wait for Auntie Cha to reach Singapore than I could ask her about her friend's modelling agency. Can't do so last time, due to his meleteh. You know who. Ira's sleeping over too. It's a routine for her. Haha. She misses someone. Who else if not ehem. Cicak, you diam je. Haha.

I'm so falling in love with the song
Pretty Girl by Sugarcult.
It is so damn cool-shit. It repeats in my iTunes. Haha.
I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco.
It's still in my heart.
What a beautiful wedding! Haha.
Not forgetting the Avenged Sevenfold's Seize The Day.

Nothing more to blog about. PEACE!
LOVE you, Hunny. And Darling too.
Muuaah! *A kiss on the lips.
=)


Everything I see is you.
You keep on running in my mind.
There's nothing that I could do,
just wishing you're still mine.


Confusion is all in my head. He's not giving up on me. He's not giving up his love for me. He's not giving up on the relationship. In the other hand, I'm not going to turn back. What's bygone is bygone. I hate him, I really do. But deep inside my heart, the love is still there. There's no way I'm going to get back to him. I'll never do.

Someone is in my mind now. It's not HIM. It's a guy, obviously. I think I'm in love with him. Only that I can't show it. Furthermore, I'm not ready to be in a relationship. How should I express my feelings to him? Could someone please tell me? I'm in love. =)



Cicak Hunny, please no hatred in you. You've got to really express your love to the girl. Girls hate it when guys hide it. I know you expressed it to her. But maybe she thought it was just a joke. Don't take it too hard k Hunny. Just like Nazurah says,
Love is simple, but we make it complicated.



The internet connection is giving me problems again. I can't get any connections in my room, and Abang's computer has a password which Abang won't tell me. Pathetic him! So I try bringing the lappie in his room. Luckily there's some connection. Even though the connection is low, still get to blog is enough. Hehe. Accompanied my Ira to City Hall for her appointment. Then off we went to Esplanade. Thinking of making a poem. All I got is just the begining. And we were so ketagih of ciggarette. I forgot to bring it as I was in a hurry to meet Ira. While sitting, suddenly someone sat next to me. Not exactly next to me. My head turned and it was Farid, with a ciggarette in his hand. So just sat around with him and friends. Got ciggarettes! Hehe. Was talking to Cicak on the phone. He sounds like so moody, not in the mood to talk kind of. I don't know why. Apek was trying to be Cicak on the phone. I know your voice Bear-bear. Haha.

I think a smoke break is all I need now. Will get back with some stories other time. Hehe. For now, it shall remain as a secret.


Here I am sitting all alone,
without you by my side.
Living in the world of my own,
trying to make things right.


My guy friends are contacting me back nowadays. Suratman just messaged me. And Firdaus is now so in love messaging me. Hehe. I know everyone loves me. Muke tak tahu malu! Cicak Hunny and Apek Bear-bear dyed their hair. Hmph! Nevermind. Ira Darl and I had some surprise for them. So I shall not blog about that. If not, Cicak will know. Hehe. Did something outrageous today at home. Can't tell. If not, there'll be no longer surprise for them. You know, I know Darling. If you guys saw me somewhere outside, don't be shock. Must tegur! Haha. Went to City Hall with my Darling today to buka as she got a $10 voucher from KFC. KFC is a NO refuse for me. I just realise something today. I'm eating more than I usually do. But still SLIM ok. Haha. I don't know why I started to eat alot nowadays. I mean, ALOT!

Going to City Hall again tomorrow with Ira as she has an appointment at Funan. Can't tell. Hehe. Will be buka outside again. Lama-lama POKAI! Ouh ya, Faizal gave me $10 just now. Haven't spend that money. Spent my small notes first. I shall keep my promise, not to buy haram things with that money. Thank you for willingly giving me that one piece of note. I love you, and I still do.
Zah, or whoever of his friends that is reading this, please tell him that. =)

I need to smoke. But my cigarette left less than five sticks. Haiyo.

FiSWEETIE, if you're reading this, you're not done with my bedtime ghost stories. I want to hear more.


I miss you. I miss your voice. I miss your smile and laughter. I miss spending the whole day with you. Basically, I miss everything of us. That is what I feel throughout the day. I tried not to think of you, but I failed. They might see me happy, smiling and giggling away. But they can't see right inside my heart. The sorrow and pain I felt is all in me, not leeting it out. I messaged you, just hoping you would call. And yes you did. I cried silently to myself while talking to you. You noticed it. You always notice it, no matter how hard I tried to hide it. How I wish I could rewind the time and make things right.

I MISS YOU.


Been talking to my four years friend, my first guy bestfriend, yesterday night. We really talked on the phone, for almost four hours. Shared some stories and stuffs. Yes, he did ask me about me and Fishball. Did I ever mention that he's Fishball's neighbour? Haha. And we did lost contact for three years, except meet in school, due to Fishball's jealousy. I don't understand why would he be jealous. We were telling ghost stories, places where I used to go almost everyday. It happen in their estate. Their estate is really spooky, no joking. Fir's line now has been temporarily cut. He messaged me using his mum's number. Fir is so sweet and nice, never change.

I am now so pokai, left only $20 in my wallet for the rest of this week. That couldn't be. What am I suppose to eat when I'm outside? Boohoo.


My heart is blind to notice your love. But I know you could mend my broken heart. And I know it would take a long period of time. Anger, revenge and guilt is what in my mind every now and then. The moment I get to know you, I felt that you're one of a kind. I could comfartably share my joyness with you. You have this characteristic that I totally admire. Sometimes I feel that this whole journey of us is just fake. maybe it is or maybe it's not. It seems that I had fallen in love with a guy whom I don't know deeply in him. A chemistry full of mysteries. Everyone deserves to fall in love and everyone deserves to be loved. I don't want anything from you. But all I need is just a simple and humple, yet so pure, sincerely from your heart.

Yes. News had spead. My dearest cousin, Kak Zuhrah, has given birth to a 3.25kg baby girl. She has a dimple at her cheeks. Damn cute. Visit her the day she gave birth. And and and I'm the first aunt from my mum side to visit the new born. Hehe. And that baby have to call me Aunty, Makcik is so unglamour. Kak Zuhrah says her baby should call me Aunty Adik since almost everyone calls me Adik. The baby name is Nur Adlina.

Cousins, you guys should visit her. She's in Thomson Medical Centre.

Just got home from Esplanade. And I'm starving, even though I've eaten. I'm always hungry. Haha. And Cicak calls me FAT. Am I fat? Naddy says I'm thin. So which one?


Sorry for not updating for quite some time. My lappie always give me problems. First, its the internet connection. Second, the slowness to switch it on. Thirdly, everything got stuck. My iTunes couldn't play any song too.

Ira Darl been sleeping at my house for two days. Been lepaking all day long. It's either at Yishun or Admiralty. Supposed to go town yesterday, and have a ride. But cancelled. Supposed to dye my hair RED today, but mum working morning shift. So postponed to tomorrow. Cicak went to Johor today. Apek tak puasa! Hehe. My bear-bear. Yesterday also. The four of us to be honest. Haha.

Well, got nothing much to blog about. Just missing some people. Especially my BMC friends. My BDS friends. The list just goes on and on. I miss Sheena PEH too!!!

Got to go. Ouh, anyway, The Destroying September gig is postponed to either the 3rd or the 4th week of raya. Will let you guys know okai.